I kneel on the floor naked and waiting for my Dominant to arrive. Wanting to run, yet longing for the sweet bliss of surrender.
“What am I doing? This is crazy. I should leave. This is not normal.” My subconscious protests, hoping I will put on my clothes and leave while I still can.
I don’t move.
I breathe and recall my last session with my Dominant. The release, slipping into the void of nothingness where time and space disappear, along with every stress and worry I walked in with.
It relaxes me just enough not run out of the room.
My Dominant arrives, and our session begins in the same way it always begins.
“Are you ready to surrender?”
“Yes,” I squeak out, longing for the vocalizing to make it true. I want this, yet am I ready? I can’t say it is completely true.
“Good, then come over here for your cuffs and collar.”
I crawl over to sit at the feet of my Dominant to wait for the cuffs and collar to be placed on me.
“Give me your hand.”
I hold my hand out, and the cuff is placed around my wrist. Feeling the tenderness and care, feeling the tightening that signals my body to begin to let go.
“You are safe.” As they press their hand around the cuff, symbolically connecting us and anchoring me back into the space of surrender that I have come for.
“Give me your other hand.”
The process is repeated, and I feel as though a magic spell is woven as the cuff is placed around my wrist and locked into place.
“It is safe for you to surrender.”
The spell gets stronger, and my body drifts towards the void.
“Give me your feet.”
I move my body to bring my feet onto their knees, feeling the vulnerability of the position while also feeling the love and care as the cuff is placed around one ankle and then the other. Choosing to trust that I am in good hands. A choice that comes out of repeated experience that I am safe and cared for every moment of my sessions with my Dominant.
“Come back to kneeling and bend your head forward.” As they pull my head to lean against their body, letting me rest against them, feeling their heartbeat as I feel the collar gently pressed against my neck and buckled at the back.
“Who owns you?” I hear whispered in my ear, causing my body to melt into them. A reflex action, my body knows what to do now.
“You do.”
The door to the void has been opened wide, waiting for me to step through.
. . .
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. . .
To some, cuffs and a collar are merely tools used in kink play – a means to confine and constrain. All part of the consensual play.
To me, they are a ritual. One that is critical for setting the stage for surrender and for the submissive to feel safe in that surrender.
As one who is submissive in my personal life and dominant in my professional life, I know both sides of surrender. Both sides of control.
I know what it means to relinquish control, and as such, I know the responsibility that comes with holding that control for another.
The cuffs and collar are not simply a routine part of my work; they are the act of handing over control and the choice to surrender that power.
From the outside, it might seem that the scene (kink play) starts once the cuffs and collar are on. In fact, most new clients try to rush this process, not fully grasping that the ritual is part of the scene. A critical part of the scene.
Handing over control in those first few sessions is hard; it goes against what they were taught. Especially if they are male. Males are often groomed to be in charge, to lead, and not to show weakness or emotions. Putting them in conflict with their desire to surrender.
The slow and deliberate ritual of the cuffs and collar allows them to let go a bit at a time. Each tiny bit of surrender is reinforced by seeing and knowing they are safe. It also connects them to all the other times they have had these same cuffs and collar on. Building the muscle memory of what surrender feels like and allowing that to deepen with each session.
I had a new subbie recently who showed up for his second session with his cuffs and collar already on. He wanted to save me some time and effort, which was sweet, but he robbed us both of the ritual. He was, of course, punished. To anchor in that he was there to surrender and do as I instructed. He was very sorry and grateful for the training. He longs to be a good submissive for me (which he is coming along very nicely), so I know his heart was in the right place, but giving up control means that I am in charge, and I will say when and how things are done.
I know from my own submission that the challenge of letting another actually be in charge is hard and goes against all my natural leadership skills and ability to be in charge. It is hard, and yet it is the best thing for me. It resets my nervous system and allows me to be in the flow state for days or weeks following a session.
That reset is what keeps me coming back again and again.
I also love seeing this same reset for my submissives. The look of utter bliss that comes from deep surrender.
The end of the session is a similar ritual. One in which each removal brings the submissive slowly back to the world. Lavishing them with praise to anchor in the safety of surrender, the safety found at my feet.
This is critical for the emotional well-being of the submissive. They have allowed themselves to let go, possibly completely, and slowly removing the cuffs and collar give me time to connect them to the joy of this act. Gradually untangling the conditioning they may have been raised with, so they can be free to revel in the joy of safe and utter surrender.
As deliciously evil as I may have been during the session, the removal of the cuffs brings out the tender, caring side of me. The aftercare of a submissive who gave over their control, seeing that they are put back together and ready to face the world, but without the stress and tension that they came in with.
