Healing From Patriarchy Through Kink – Author Mistress Dana Pharant

healing through kink

There has been a surprising side benefit for me in choosing to lean into being a pro dominatrix.

Something that I doubt I would have discovered in having a lifestyle submissive.

I know, it is almost a cardinal sin to suggest that paying for your kink is better than finding that elusive and perhaps non-existent domme that will do it for free.

But, given that money has been a source of female oppression for melenia then those who are committed to correcting the wrongs and restoring women to a place of power might want to rethink any resistance to paying their domme.

Did you know that it was only in 1974 (in the US) that women got the right to open their own bank accounts – prior to this, we had to have our husbands or our fathers give us consent.

That date is after I was born!!!

So, in my lifetime, there was blatant financial oppression of women.

Since then, we have seen changes. However, I would say that even the majority of men who identify as submissive have no idea how they are ingrained to be entitled.

Now, I love a strong male, and in my personal life, I want my men strong – physically, intellectually and emotionally (as in stable and on top of their shit, not that they stuff their emotions).

The challenge is that that same strength and a lifetime of entitlement to some degree or another means that there is a lot of training to break it out of men.

To begin to recognize that your desire to be submissive and surrender means that you need to let go of dictating what is going to happen in your sessions.

To learn the joy of being of service, to be a source of ease and joy for your Domme. Doing what she finds amusing, stimulating or otherwise enjoyable or making her life easier.

Every day, I get messages from submissive men who feel it is okay to ignore what I have in my profile. Telling me how much they love to serve and be submissive to a dominant female.

These messages show the lingering entitlement.

An expectation that I should answer.

An expectation that they are so spectacular that I will change the rules and let them have a free ride and serve me without paying.

And worse, they do not bother to ask.

They do not ask what I want.

They do not even acknowledge my clear boundaries and that they are stepping all over them with expectations of becoming my lifestyle freebie.

Sure, sure, they mean well and all that, but the fact remains that the truly submissive men who come to serve me in the dungeon honour my time and my expertise as well as my years of experience and power with both their financial gifts as well as their surrender.

They leave sessions feeling the utter bliss of true surrender.

And after they have been trained, they often get bonus time with me. Time that they do not expect but appreciate and value fully.

I did not expect to be undoing the hooks of male entitlement and thousands of years of female oppression when I chose to get back into the dungeon.

Yet, I find myself in this incredible place of being able to experience being valued fully and completely on all levels and ways as a paid dominatrix.

Something that is re-writing the DNA and childhood programming that has been hard to get to despite all the therapy, workshops, and psychedelic healings

This makes it possible for me to see more and more how this entitlement creeps in and shows me how much more I need to hold the power. Not allowing these small slips to pass by without correction. For their good as well as mine.

So, I am incredibly grateful for choosing to do this for money. It is changing my world dynamically and making me a better domme for my clients.

So, if you say you want a FLR or you believe in female supremacy, there may be some areas that need to be checked. The first thing is to look at the messages you are sending to Dommes. How much is it about you and your desires vs asking questions to discover her and her desires? This will give you a clue on where you are unconsciously topping from the bottom and slipping back into those programmed entitlement ways.

I can help you with some deeper training for you to drop into your full expression as a slave or submissive. Find the link in my profile to apply.

In the meantime, hit the Heart button and leave me a comment of appreciation.


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